So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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