You made me cry and you don't even care
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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