i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
