come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
