I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
