I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
