Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
