then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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