Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
