the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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