So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
