At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
