Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
