i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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