so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
