Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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