It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
