I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
