so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
