took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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