I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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