why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
