ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
