shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
