The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
