Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
