oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
