I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
