i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
