Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
