i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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