So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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