I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
