CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
