There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
