you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
