Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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