just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
