Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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