In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
