he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
