i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
