my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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