The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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