I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
