We named our party play list daddy issues
My pussy is not your playground.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
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