Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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