I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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