You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
