it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
