I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The best revenge is premature balding
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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