I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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