Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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