Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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