That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
