TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
