im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
