My room smells like vodka and shame
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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