he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
where am i from again
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
