Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
