you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
