I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
